Have you ever visited the shame cave?
The dark space where you body feels heavy, num, exhausted or in pain ?
That room where you can hide from life because it feels that life is hiding from you?
In that cave, your might feel small, I do, and that the mountain that represents life is big indeed, mysterious and unaccessible.
In the cave, you have space to be with your disappointment, your regrets.
You have space to befriend the negative emotions, the confusion, frustration and maybe the self hatred which pushed into the void.
My cave is my bedroom. I love it! I can rest there, undisturbed, and reassess, rebuild and heal.
Shame is not my enemy.
Shame is kindly letting me know that I am viewing myself from the outside in.
From a set of rules that I do not understand.
From a set of eyes that express contempt.
From thoughts and belief systems that might not even be mine.
From ideas that I should do more, be more and that I should know how and when.
This shame is the shame I felt each time I was not corresponding to what others expected of me for the good of all!
Birth, school, womaning, wifing, parenting, all the major role that life has in store for you.
There is a way apparently at being good at them.
I would love to ace them! I am so competitive!
I am shown how with books, movies and with all those that have greener grass and great instagram accounts.
This way, sadly, doesn't account for my karma, my life lessons and the evolution that my soul chose to go through in this life, messing greatly with the perfection of it.
So ok, I am here for a reason. Thank you Shame for reminding me. I was of falling asleep at the wheel!
I sit, breathe listen to what shame has to tell me.
We know each other well, we have a lifetime of outstanding companionship.
Here I am . You have my full attention. I am listening, seeing, feeling.
The discomfort of shame is so familiar, so habitual, that it feels like a warm well- used blanket under which I can seek refuge. In the refuge I will take the time to be with me.
I use too shrivel under shame, hide, be transfixed by it.
Today it's different, thanks to the new moon, I am owning it!
I am shamelessly owning I feel shame!
I am talking to it. I am facing it. I am standing my own grounds.
Grounded, I discover that, surprise! It's not just mine!
I have been feeling shame of behalf of the collective consciousness of the Earth.
We all have been attacked by shame!
This is part of the planetary amnesia leading us to forget who we really are and the power that lies within each one of us.
Today I defended myself.
I did it for me and for all those who resemble me. Those who I touch without knowing each time I heal something in me.
Today I stood up for the child in me, who got confused by rules she didn't understand. By demands which felt bizarre and foreign to her core. By practices which discounted her sensitive and unique being.
Today I claim my freedom.
I make peace with time.
I understand, accept and honour my needs.
I find my voice.
I will not let myself be influenced by an outside world and a fictive set of rules.
I say no. I will not make myself wrong anymore.
I connect with my truth.
Today, I fill myself up with love.
I feel the love that the universe has for me.
Today, I receive new experiences of love.
I say yes. I see myself differently.
I trust me
I am that I am
Shana Tova!
